"Do you trust me?"
“Do you trust me?”
When do you usually ask your loved one or even a stranger that question? During a fight about infidelity? The moment before exposing a secret? Right before you take a risk? Maybe never? Well, I’m here to ask this question for none of those reasons. When it comes to confronting those who just don’t seem to grasp the concept of racial discrimination, or marriage inequality, and most importantly empathy, you and I should start with the most important question of them all, “Do you trust me?”
The following nine people in my life were asked this important question, and here are their responses and the analysis I came up with.
"Do you trust me?”
“Yes. From the beginning, I saw that you weren’t afraid to be vulnerable and wear your heart on your sleeve. That meant the world to me.”
"Yes. I knew I trusted you when you came out to me. When I had your trust, you had mine."
Simply put, trust is an exchange. I give you, and you give me. Yours is mine. You know what else is an exchange? Privledge- white privilege to be exact. It’s an invisible exchange that determines our most basic of societal norms and mentality. I give you my subordinate reactions, and you give me my peace. Your power is my life. The particularly unique thing about trust is that no matter what, there is a period of uncomfortable risk that must be taken before gained. Even if it’s the moment of exchanging names. With that being said, I now view white privilege being quite similar. As much as I would love to advocate for all of my fellow black brothers and sisters to stand up and look in their oppressors face to declare their BLACK pride, I can’t. There’s something to be done before that can happen. Authenticity.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes. I saw your authenticity when you stood up to argue against the student organization budget.”
"Yes. My trust in you lies with the genuine radiance and joy you emit."
Talking about race for either party is hard. It requires you to understand the alternative perspective. But the trick to understanding the other perspective includes understanding the other person. I’ll admit...off the bat, I will not trust the average 60 year old white man named Dick wearing a $500 dollar suit to understand why I was offended that the store clerk stared at me and not him. Just as likely, he probably wouldn’t understand the constant eye rolling towards him from dark skinned Nkechi whom he is teaching Law & Ethics in her Africana studies classes. (Yes--that’s shade to GW because it does happen.) Nevertheless, if each of them broke down to show who they are past their labels, something special might happen. I’m usually the one to sit around a campfire to hold hands and share our turning points in life, but I think showing one’s vulnerability unintentionally can be one of the fastest ways for each of to build the trust needed to talk about race. On a day-to-day basis, I won’t use my race as a shield if you don’t use your privilege as yours.
“Do you trust me?”
"Yes. There was no defining moment of trust, only instances where that sentiment was reinforced."
"Yes. I figured it the first time I left you alone at my house and you didn't steal a car (don't laugh, it has happened).”
“Yes. I trust you because I've seen you when you were down, and you still had time for other people who needed you.”
We all have been hurt or tricked by someone we trusted before. I find reinforcement of our values and beliefs to those not in the black community is crucial. It’s almost like citing your sources for your paper. If I don’t see your consistency as a black person, my and many other’s immediate reaction will be to group you into the category of everyone else: ‘Someone who doesn’t know what the hell they’re talking about.’
As my grandmother use to say, “Don’t be no wishy-washy nigga.” And for her, I trust that my experiences and beliefs with others is derived from something much deeper than my race but surely influenced because of it.
“Do you trust me?"
"Yes. The world sees us both in a certain way because of what we look like. I trust you because you understand.”
Let me be clear, I know trust is not as clear cut as I may have made it seem. I also know that racially stemmed issues in America cannot be fixed if we all woke up the next day trusting each other. But what I don’t know is why we as a society feel as if we can convince each other of what the roots of race relations are without it.
I THINK that it is time that you and I, blacks and whites, gay and straight, and all alike stop looking for the tangible parallels of our existence, but instead trust that our intangible differences align all the same.
“Do you trust me?
"Yes. You trusted me with your story and I knew instantly we could relate. We both needed each other."