just a casual identity crisis...
Before I stepped onto that huge ass plane at LAX for the journey of a lifetime, I made a small list and checked it twice. Not the typical “Do I have my phone and wallet, and passport?” Instead, I made a list of my identity. I made one for who I was at the moment. Who I may become during my study abroad experience, and who I want to be when I return.
I think it’s time I started to re-evaluate that list because I’m having an identity crisis. A small one...but one nonetheless.
September 2, 2015
I am a brave and eager little beaver. Don’t forget to reflect and look back from where and who you were a few years before, especially five years before. I was in the darkest place in my life. In a home where I felt as if I could not mentally or physically make it anymore. But that shit did not stop me!! I can’t help but think how fortunate and blessed I am. THIS very moment of me taking off is one that only happens in movies. Stop being so dramatic. :) But I think I have finally made it. So what that I had a one way ticket and few hundred bucks to my name. I have life and curiosity. And most importantly, I have myself!
I have to admit, I’m scared. I’m leaving all my resources and connections. What if I simply just can’t make it? Oh to hell with it! I always make it! Right? I should be honest with myself that I totally may end up staying over here for longer than my intended semester. I just really am not happy at GW or DC or GA or anywhere really. I guess I wouldn’t mind it? I guess what I really mean is would everyone else mind it?
In the words of Olivia Pope, “ What do you want? What’s your end goal?” Well, I want to be Olivia Pope, of course! In actuality, I want to love me...more than anyone else.
October 28, 2015
You’re smart enough to know that loving yourself doesn’t happen overnight, or in an “ah-ha” moment, or even within a semester. What does happen are experiences to show you how much you loved yourself all along. It’s funny that doing the least has taught about how to do the most. My inability to waltz into the Student Association office and demand more funding for the Black Student Union has taught me the most on how I can REALLY help them. Before, I would do that because it was my “job” as a senator or because I was black and that’s my student org. Now, if anything, I would do it because I know how I identify and how that affects me. Understanding my identity within the picture, both macro and micro, really has really allowed me to explore the plethora of ways to be successful. Or as I like to put it, “get shit done.”
I’ve always worked hard in life for reasons I still have yet to be able to verbally depict. What I can tell you is that I was placed in this world for one reason and one reason only. I am suppose to love Carlo for Carlo to be the best Carlo for Carlo. And by doing that, I can really start to change the world the way I intend to.
All of this is hard. No one really has it down. But luckily for me, the only way I go is up
________ __, 2016
Your journey is JUST beginning...